Sitting in the Mud
Underrated but so valuable having someone in the mud alongside you
Happy Easter,
This morning I had coffee with two of my favourite people, Mike, a philanthropic adviser and author, and Stephen, my best friend since nursery school. Looking back I love how that conversation over two brought two completely different influencers in my life together in such an organic way.
We were just sharing stories. Laughing. Being real with each other.
And then Mike shared a story from his book that stuck with both Stephen and I. It created a shared language we could hang so many relatable experiences on.
He was referencing a story from his book How to Be a Better Human about Simon Sinek from an interview Simon did on Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett. Simon opened up about his struggle to form deep, meaningful relationships. And during that difficult season, people kept saying to him, “I’m sure you’ll be okay. It’ll all work out.”
He said it was unhelpful. More than that it was insensitive.
Because in that moment, he didn’t need reassurance. He didn’t need answers. He didn’t need someone to fix the mud he was sitting in.
He just needed someone to sit alongside him and be there. Nothing more.
Sitting in the mud.
Muddy Matters
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been in that exact posture not metaphorically, but literally in the work I do. I recently finished a coaching engagement with a founder. When he first approached me, honestly I had imposter syndrome as I don’t position or sell myself as a coach even though it is something that naturally comes out when I express myself. A part of my creative art form.
The reason I said yes to his request was because I had a quiet confidence in me that I could sit alongside him, in the mud and allow him to just……Be. To belong, believe and become whatever he needed to be.
What he needed was for me to sit alongside him. To create the conditions for him to speak freely, feel safe, and be honest about what he was actually experiencing, how he was feeling and upon reflection what that means for him. It wasn’t about me at all, it was all about him.
I let go of the agenda. I sat in the mud.
And something shifted between us.
The same was true during our last Founders in Fellowship session, a virtual gathering for founders who draw strength from personal faith, who want to come as they are rather than perform as they think they should be.
The theme was active service.
I barely spoke. I held space. I listened. And in the silence and the sharing, something sacred happened that no keynote or workshop could have manufactured. One by one people were sharing their truth and others could feel the room shifting to a place where they could relate, empathise and relate to stories. Not my stories, not my teachings but the power of peer to peer communities.
Then there are my clients navigating real challenges at work, restructures, leadership changes, moments of doubt. They don’t always need an answer from me, in all honesty, I didn’t have any solution to offer. They need someone who won’t flinch at the discomfort. Who won’t reflect their own stories in attempt to empathise but instead creates distance as their own agenda surfaces. Someone willing to stay in the mud.
Mud is messy and that’s the point, it isn’t comfortable but it helps knowing you are not lonely in the mud alone.
Moulded From Mud Like Clay
I’ve been sitting with why this has become easier for me over the years. And I think it comes down to practice.
Long swims alone in my thoughts, no distractions, just rhythm and breath.
Walks in nature that slow everything down.
My daily journaling practice that helps me process what’s beneath the surface.
And most importantly, my daily bread. Time in prayer, morning, midday, evening sitting quietly with God.
That’s where I first learned how to sit in the mud.
Not with another person. But with myself. With the uncertainty. With the questions that don’t resolve quickly. With the parts of life that are genuinely uncomfortable.
That practice of not rushing to resolution, of being still, of being present is what has prepared me to do it with others.
You can’t offer someone what you’ve never experienced yourself.
I want to leave you with a question.
Who in your life is sitting in the mud right now?
Not asking for advice. Not looking for silver linings. Just needing you to be present.
Can you resist the urge to fix it? Can you sit with them in the discomfort?
And closer to home are you able to sit in your own mud?
To be still with the unresolved things without immediately reaching for distraction or a solution?
I’m hosting a virtual gathering on Tuesday 21st April on LinkedIn Live and I’d love for you to join me. The theme will be exactly this. Presence. Listening. What it means to truly show up for ourselves and know our worth.
Details and title coming soon. Keep an eye out.
Until then don’t rush out of the mud. There’s something important down there.
Love & Light,
Andy Ayim MBE
I enjoyed this Andy. Active listening and presence are such underrated but valuable skills. They can be increasingly challenging to practise in a world that can be distracted and fast pace. This article has reminded me to set aside time to reflect, refocus and be intentional holding space professionally with stakeholders and personally with friends and family.